Happy Monday :) Another day and week to begin again. My ideas for blog posts always come during a workout, walk, or meditation. As I was doing an at home Pilates class I was sparked to write about how spirituality led me to release control in my life.
We all have a story of something that catapults us in a direction, either for the better or for the worst. I have shared before that being taken away from being an athlete at the age of 15 threw off my life path at a young age. I was forced to reidentify myself and I had no control over what was happening in front of me. If just young Erin knew control was an illusion. Any other enneagram 8's love to control things? The thing about me is I never cared to control other people, I wanted to control myself because I am by far the hardest on myself than anyone else. Yes, I am working on that. But it wasn't until I started to dive deeper into meditation, inner child work, and spirituality that I started to really uncover a lot of the deeper meanings behind my actions. The real thing that sparked this deep dive was my inner knowing that I was working a job I didn’t like and operating in relationships in ways I was not proud of, and I knew something needed to change if I wanted to be successful in those areas in my life.
People will tell you a lot of different things about control, fear, how to get rid of it and so on, but in my opinion the single greatest, and fastest way to get yourself out of a continuous cycle of trying to control people, places and things that you will never be able to control is to get silent and surrender. Control for me stemmed from a deeper-rooted fear of many things such as: commitment, abandonment, the unknown, being seen, etc that I needed to let go of in order to fully release control. I get very passionate about this topic because I see so many relationships fail because each person is trying to control the other person, when in reality the only person you will ever be able to control is yourself. If there is one thing you take away, I hope it is that. You will never in your entire life be able to control anyone or anything else besides yourself. You can try, and waste Enrgi on it but you will not succeed. You will find yourself back into a continuous cycle of things not going "how you want it too", holding onto to relationships far longer than you need to, and having an empty feeling inside because you so badly need to control something that you will never be able too. The good news, you have complete control over yourself, your mindset, the people you give ENRGI too, the job opportunities you accept, the people you date, etc. How much more exciting and happier is it to know that you have the power to call in whatever you want in your life? When you choose to let go of fear, control, and what you think should happen and surrender to the divine plan in front of you. How can you tactically each day do this to transform your life? In my opinion, it is continuous daily moments set aside to deepen your relationship with oneself and better understand that each thought and feeling is just that a thought and feeling. You have the ability to change the way you respond to the constant change around you by focusing on what is in your control, you.
This next part is 100% what I have done in my own life. You can take it or leave it, but this is what has worked for me. I also want to note a few things:
- Control is an illusion based on fear. When you recognize that the reason you want to control your partner/situations is based on a deeper routed fear you have in your own world. You can then change the narrative and begin to transform fear into faith and love.
- Surrender is simply the act of allowing life to unfold on its own without you trying to force, control, or stop things from happening. The best example I can give is something that happened to me not long ago. In August, I was forced to move out of my apartment because of AC issues, and because I wasn’t employed at the time, I couldn’t go get another apartment, so I had one option and that was to move in with my BF. Ironically, I had told myself I would never move in with a guy until I had a ring on my finger, but the universe was like nope sorry that is no longer something that is going to happen in your life. That right there is an example of surrender, I had it in my mind that I needed a ring before I would move in, and the opposite happened, and you know what? It has been an incredible decision and I am so thankful every day I get to wake up to Mitch and we can be with each other every day. If I had chosen to control, I would have forced myself into another apartment without a job just to fulfill what I thought needed to happen in my life. When you let go, you let better come in!
- Change is inevitable. It will happen, it’s not a matter of if it’s a matter of when. With that being said, change equals growth which is a good thing. When you reframe how you look at change, you can begin to let go of control.
Now to the steps I do every day to release control in my life:
1) Meditation- every single day for 15-20 minutes. This gives me space at the start of my morning to begin again, to give silence to receive anything I need to hear and allow myself to process any emotions that need to come up and be let go. Meditation also slows down your mind long enough for you to recognize stories and patterns you have identified with that aren't true. Ex: You aren't worthy of love because of something in the past. That story is untrue, you are not your past.
2) I actively practice letting go in situations I want to control. EX: I fully accept and allow Mitch to be completely 100% himself without judgement or control of how I want him to act or how I think he should act. I don't tell him "you need to do this for me to accept you" or "you have to do XYZ or I won't do XYZ" I just simply let the thoughts that come into my mind flow in like a wave and let them go out with the tide.
3) I 100% believe and trust that everything in life happens for a reason. That everything I have been through adds up to where I am today and without each lesson, season, person and place I would not be who I am today. How do I keep faith and trust when it's hard? When I look back at my entire life it always works out. I got laid off and 6 months later I met Mitch. That's a happy ending if you ask me!
4) Relationships are our biggest teacher- I fully after every relationship breakup put pen to paper and reflect on how I could have done something better. No lie, I am that person, but you know what? It opened my eyes to ways I was trying to control them or get a certain outcome I thought was best instead of just allowing the relationship to run its course as it should. It also opens up an entirely new level of self-awareness which in turns allows you to surrender fully. The more you know about yourself the more you can course correct.
5) I recognize that I am not perfect, but each day I show up and choose to surrender. When life gets chaotic, people get mean, opportunities seem few and far between I trust that it is all aligning for me. An intense blind faith has done more for me in regard to control than anything else. I turn everything over to a higher power with a knowing it is all working out for my highest good.
I hope this post inspires you to make a small shift in your life. Relationships can bring us the most amount of love and joy, when we operate at our best we welcome in a life full of unwavering love and support for ourselves and those around us.